Excretion Geometry

My old friend Rachel and I entered Crate & Barrel not to buy anything but to have a laugh by pretending we were a yuppie philistine couple, the sort who decorated their home with matching furniture and owned different glassware for each type of liquor. In a scarlet-themed sample bedroom set, my eyes darted straight to the bookshelf. One book's spine said Excretion Geometry. I knew nothing of this mathematical topic, not even that it existed. The first chapter probably explained the history of the subject, from Archimedes molding dodecahedrons out of his own feces, all the way to Albert Einstein suggesting that if someone took a massive enough shit it could literally bend space and time. I opened the book and saw it was actually volume two of an encyclopedia, explaining concepts alphabetically from excretion to geometry. Too bad. As usual, reality wasn't as cool as what I'd imagined.